Prologue

Episode 1 - On the Brink

Dear Eden,

Yes, I’m awake at this hour and staring at a screen. Yes, I know it means a migraine tomorrow. No, I’m not trying to give myself one…exactly. I just can’t sleep. And I’m…not really scared. It’s more like…maybe excited? Nervous? Okay, yeah. Scared.

It’s not because the treatments aren’t working. Although yes, that does terrify me somewhere deep in my core. If the most committed doctors in the world with all their crazy-experimental tech can’t beat this, then what’s left? Watching you turn your back on life to take care of me like Mom did? Like you’ve done for the last three years? I can’t do it, Eden. I know everything you’d tell me if I said that to your face, and I know you mean it, but I can’t. You and Josh are so perfect for each other, and you know God wants you both on the mission field. No, I know you didn’t mean for me to hear that conversation, but I did. 

You can’t ignore His call to take care of me instead, Eden. You can’t. If nothing else, how long do you think I’d last in a fish’s belly? Way less than in some African hut, I can tell you that. And I’m sure—like ninety…six…percent—that God wants me in this treatment program. I don’t exactly see why, if nothing’s working, but maybe tomorrow…

You should have seen the stack of forms I had to sign today. I’m pretty sure there are encyclopedias with fewer pages. Forget the screen and the late night—if trying to read and decipher that doesn’t put me down for the count tomorrow, I don’t know what would. Come to think of it, it’s probably better you didn’t see. Really good thing I’m not a minor anymore too. I guess this last idea they have is…on the experimental side of experimental. Yes, I know you’re freaking out right now, but—I have to try. I just have to.

I love you, Eden, and I don’t know how I can even start to pay you back for everything you’ve done for me all these years. I know it’s not easy being my sister, even though you don’t care. I’m praying this…thing…tomorrow—man, I hope it’s tomorrow. They can’t do it unless I’m actually having an attack, so…no, I’m not exactly trying to trigger one, but—you know…I wouldn’t complain too much? Anyway, I’m really hoping it’s part of God’s plan to get us both where He wants us. If not…yeah, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I’m praying hard I don’t have to.

Of course I’m not sending this. But if anything…happens…well, you can find it then. I’m okay, Edie; you know that. Josh and missions and all the kids you want to have someday—let them be my gift to you. God has a plan for me too, even if none of us has a clue what it is yet. And this treatment figures into it somehow. I can’t really see to write anymore, so I guess we’ll find out tomorrow.

Love you, big sis,

Brady